so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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