OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
