hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
