I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
