I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
