Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is not my ceiling
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
