sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
