My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I FOUND THE LEGS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
