OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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