oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
