Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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