Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
