He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
