Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
