Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am available for nakedness
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
