I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
two words...techno handjob
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
