What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He passed out mid-signature
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
