So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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