Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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