And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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