recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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