That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
