Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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