I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You are the jesus of drinking
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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