please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
