Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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