I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He felt like a one man threesome
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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