so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
