she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
