somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
