i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
