I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
