that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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