Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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