for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
