Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
