Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
