fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
