The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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