shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
