No awkward lesbian experiences without me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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