yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
