Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
