Old men and throwing up are my life now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
