I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
