Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
