your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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