I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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