I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
