we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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