She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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