im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if only i could text you this smell
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
