The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
