and you said cock pushups were impossible
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
