I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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